he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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