Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
