i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
