I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
