So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i now understand why vodka
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
