I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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