I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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