HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
