I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
this boner is exhausting
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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