I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
