what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
