Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
