when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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