I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
