I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
