yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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