New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
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