I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
