And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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