so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.