she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
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You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
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Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.