I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
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almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
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At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...