She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
