just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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