he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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