The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
