Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
3 2 1 whiskey
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
