I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
