Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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