I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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