You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
