My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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