You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
