I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
