remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
