I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
