i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
