It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
