Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
