i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
