And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
