The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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