Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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