Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
