I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
