I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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