Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
im six kinds of drunk right now
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I am naked and annoyed.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
