id be glad to
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
