I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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