guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
