I look better un-naked...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
