they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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