Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
