He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
