he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
