You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
