I'm going to jail i love you
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
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I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
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Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I love you.
Bad choice
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