My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
