plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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