you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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