I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
