Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
