Can Purell be used as lube?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
