I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
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the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
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I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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